The List
by KillforKlondike
Summary: There have been many stories of rules that the Autobots have been banned from doing. Here's one more for the bandwagon.


I know this has been done to death, but I need to get some of these papers that have been rotting in my school portfolio done so whenever I'm in art I don't have to look and them and think "Oh yeah, I still have to do those don't I?". And besides, I looked at the last time I actually put something up and I think it's about time I fixed that.

Anywho, sit back, relax, and pretend that you've never read anything like this and laugh.

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT! PLEASE, I LIVE FOR COMMENTS AND FAVS!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own crap.

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The Autobots' list of things no longer allowed on base ANYWHERE:

_**One**_: NO STAR WARS REFERENCES AT ANY POINT IN TIME.

It was entertaining the first time that Sam and Michaela had introduced the Autobots to the Star Wars series. And it was very amusing when the humans would play along with quotes. But during a battle it had come to Optimus Prime's notice that while Sideswipe used his arm-blades on Frenzy he was making that sound effect given to the light sabers in the movie.

While any other time it might have been funny, it was not exactly acceptable behavior on the battle field. However he was entirely thrown off by the fact that without skipping a beat Frenzy turned around, stood stick straight and waved a hand and said "These are not the droids you are looking for."

The only reason Optimus had felt the need to put this on the list was because while he was gapping at Frenzy for the _human_ reference, Megatron used the opportunity to sucker punch Optimus in the faceplates.

* * *

_**Two**_: SUNSTREAKER AND SIDESWIPE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ANY REFERENCE WHATSOEVER TO THE FOLLOWING: KARATE KID, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, AND TWILIGHT. _ESPECIALLY_ NOT TWILIGHT.

Michaela was actually the cause of this. While she had only been trying to get some more diversity into the Autobots' movie night, the mayhem that followed unfortunately made it so that she was no longer allowed to pick what to watch on said occasions.

Karate Kid had really been for Annabelle's benefit. It was a kids movie and while several of the parts seemed a little much for the Autobots' tastes, it was overall not a horrible movie. And neither was Mission Impossible. Many of the bots present had enjoyed the movie, especially Ironhide, who was always very partial to a good action movie.

But the Twilight thing had been a lapse in judgment on Michaela's part. Jetfire had shot the TV (which had cost Secretary of Defense Keller quite a bit of money considering it was made custom to be a screen big enough for the Autobots to use) to bits before the first twenty minutes was over.

But what really had signed these movies death warrants was that Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were notorious for enacting stunts from them. It was no surprise they took a shine to Karate Kid, considering they were renowned on Cybertron for their Jet Judo specialty. And no one could blame them for the Mission Impossible thing either, because the pyrotechnics were flashy and the theme song so damn catchy you couldn't ignore it. (They had been petitioning it to be their own official anthem, but Optimus had shot that down in a sparkbeat. Sometimes it's best not to encourage them.)

But the Twilight references? Sure, Sunstreaker was pretty and when washed to perfection _**did**_ sparkle in the sunlight. However, many on base were getting annoyed by the over dramatic poses and so broke the copy they had absconded with.

It was rumored that it was Ratchet who implemented the DVD's demise, however when questioned by a pissed off Sunstreaker he blamed an ignorant Ironhide, who was just passing by to see Prowl.

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_**Three**_: THE MOVIES PARANORMAL ACTIVITY AND NUMBER 23 SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED WHEN PROWL AND RED ALERT ARE IN ATTENDANCE.

This one was Sam's fault. However he actually couldn't be blamed for the reaction of the two considering he was not fully aware of just how sensitive their logistics analyzer was. The two were basically built to only understand that which is fact and cannot wrap their processors around the idea of something such as ghosts or supernatural phenomena that cannot be explained with advanced science and logical explanations.

And besides, Red Alert really doesn't need to be aware of anything that could even remotely make him any more paranoid than he already was. Plus logistics cores are not exactly common things on earth so it takes a while for Ratchet to fix them.

No one likes an angry Ratchet.

* * *

_**Four**_: IRONHIDE IS NOT ALLOWED TO QUOTE THE MOVIE 300. 

Ironhide had taken an instant liking to this movie the night Will and Sarah had rented it. And quite honestly, what's not to love about a killer action movie where all the good guys die…besides that fact all the good guys die? Nothing, which is what you should answer should the Topkick find you and ask.

This altogether would not have made such a disruption had it not been for the fact that Ratchet had strapped Ironhide down to a berth in the Med Bay after the weapons specialist had interrupted Prime, in the middle of his _'Go get 'em boys'_ speech, to yell "SPARTANS!" as he charged Barricade in their last brief but eventful meeting between the warring factions. Ratchet had been convinced he had finally taken one too many hits to the helm for the outburst.

Really, this was just a little mistake on Ironhide's part. But no matter who you are, you DO NOT interrupt Prime's pep talks. Ever.

* * *

_**Five**_: FROM NOW ON IF AN AUTOBOT-SIZED DRUM IS FOUND IT WILL BE USED AS TARGET PRACTICE ALONG WITH WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS EXISTENCE.

Jazz had discovered Drum Line. Simply put, the musically inclined mech felt the immediate need to create an Autobot-sized drum for his use. Ironhide shot the place to kingdom come thinking the base was under attack. Jazz survived. The drum did not.

Its twin that Jazz had made was mysteriously missing, with a very suspicious looking Sideswipe in the general area of where Jazz had hidden it. No one has seen it yet but we're sure it'll show up sooner or later.

As a warning to anyone who may want to use such a thing for, oh let's say perhaps for a _prank_, it was decided that if/**when **the drum resurfaced that the instrument and its wielder would be terminated. And if you think about it, it really was only a matter of when. Sideswipe couldn't restrain himself from causing mayhem and general discord as much as his brother could keep himself from staring into a mirror and making those weird kissy noised that humans make to their pets.

Of all the strange forms of affection the Autobots could never get used to that.

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_**Six**_: MUSICALS ARE EVIL AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED ON THE BASE, BATTLE FIELD, OR THE DEEPEST CIRCLES OF HELL. ANYONE IN VIOLATION WILL BE MADE TO ESCORT GALLOWAY WHEREVER HE WANTS, WHEN HE WANTS, FOR ANY REASON AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT FOR A MONTH.

Sarah Lennox was only slightly upset by this considering Annabelle would no longer be able to watch any movies on base, because if you think about it there are almost no kids' movies that don't have some form of song, but she quickly agreed with the rest of the base when Jazz and Sideswipe came through the halls like bats out of Hell.

They were running for their sparks down one of the halls with an enraged Ratchet on their tailpipe. Why? Because they were singing a very hurried rendition of Hakuna Matata from the Lion King.

Ironhide, who was standing in the doorway from which the humans were watching the spectacle, put his arm up just as the two were going to pass, effectively clothes lining them.

For decency's sake we're not going to go into details on what their fate was.

* * *

Soundwave looked at the profile in the newly hacked systems of the Autoscum and came upon a document written in all caps: THE LIST. Choosing that and a few other things without actually opening it, he downloaded them to his hard drive.

Later at a briefing with Megatron it was presented along with everything else that had been stolen.

Soundwave wasn't sure if Megatron was pleased or not, but the other Decepticons definitely got a kick out of it.

* * *

Not my best but like I said, it's been sitting in my profile for a really long time and I am tired of looking at it. There's a few more I have to type but other than that they're basically done. Hope to get them up soon!


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